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Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Fundamental Of Courtship: The Introduction
This book is dedicated to the revival of basic but lost knowledge and the dwindling understanding of the fundamentals of courtship, while providing and promoting an acceptance of the principles and the objectives of courtship with a view of strengthening the bonds of marriage. It is unfortunate that a large cross-section of Western communities do not understand what courtship is all about. So it is the objective of this author to present, in simple language, while using practical examples, the fundamentals of courtship.
The lack of knowledge that is prominent in most communities exists for several avoidable reasons, the primary of which is this: Parents do not know of or understand the principles of courtship. They do not know what this formula entails and they did not/do not understand the objectives of this widely practiced plan. You will be surprised to learn that a large percentage of married couples did not understand or follow the rules or the principles of courtship. They may have snippets of information about courtship, but they lack a working understanding of the principles that governs courtship.
How can a person practice and or teach the principles of a subject of which he or she has little or no knowledge? There is a strange fact about ignorance, which is that ignorant people often believe that the little knowledge they have on a subject is all there is to know. Ignorant people always think that their lack of knowledge is enough and they very often resort to sharing with persuasive authority their uninformed opinions or feeling on a subject; rather than arming themselves with knowledge that will put them in a position to practice, teach and make informed decisions. We must never fail to underestimate the power of knowledge, and neither should we underestimate the persuasive stubbornness of ignorance.
It is a sad situation that the knowledge of courtship most Westerners possess is so fragmented that it has no real value. For such fragmented knowledge of courtship is extremely dangerous and is very often the cause of much heartache and psychological pain. It has been a major contributing factor in the cultivation of many dysfunctional social habits that can develop into extremely serious psychological and antisocial disorders.
When all that exists is a fragmented concept of western traditional courtship, as is common in most Western communities, the people have a tendency to develop unrealistic expectations related to the stages of courtship and those they may be courting. As a result of the lack of a working knowledge of appropriate courtship in their culture, and the presence of a fragmented knowledge of courtship, a suitor may impose his or her unrealistic expectations on those he or she is pursuing. When these expectations are not met, the suitor may feel badly treated and inadequate and may resort to behaviors that are considered selfish. If such behaviors are not brought into check and those who are so affected are not correctly educated, such unaccepted behaviors may evolve into serious psychological and antisocial disorders such as bullying, stalking, actual violence etc.
You might be surprised at the number of heartaches that could have been avoided if people had been taught and made to practice the principles and the fundamentals of Western courtship at an early age. If the leaders in the homes, the schools, the churches and the wider community took the time to educate their members, by providing the tools of courtship in the form of social lessons including detailed explanations and practical examples being demonstrated in the lives of the people, e.g., family members and the wider community, then there would be a wider spread of knowledge and an appreciation for the principles of courtship.
Although arranged marriages, as practiced by some Jewish and Amish communities, for example, are looked upon negatively by some, it is important to know that members of these communities understand, practice, teach and encourages their children to participate in courtship in the true sense of the word at an appropriately early age. This is so because the cultures of these religious and ethnic groups are deeply rooted in the tradition of their fore parents and although they have been living in the West for many generations, these people have resisted falling pray to the lure of popular Western culture that could taint the culture of their forefathers, with the Western failed modify version of courtship.
It is therefore my responsibility to provide a detailed explanation of what courtship is all about. I will delve into the different stages of courtship; I will provide information on the objective of the different stages, how an individual goes about advancing to the next level of courtship and how one terminates any stage of courtship.
Below are some simple questions to test your knowledge of courtship. This is a self-evaluating test, which is meant for you to evaluate the extent of the knowledge you have before reading this book. It will be good if you take some time to write down your answers to the questions, and as you read further, to compare your answers to the information provided. This will help you to understand the level of knowledge you have on courtship, and to evaluate what new information you have learned from this book.
1. What is courtship?
2. Of how many stages does courtship consist?
3. Name the stages of courtship.
4. Define each stage of courtship.
5. What is dating?
6. When does courtship end?