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Friday, July 30, 2010
When a person is raped, they experience many psychological effects, this is as a result of the unwanted sexual imposition. Apart of the psychological effects that was discussed in the article titles the “The Psychological Effects of Rape" there are other effects that impacts the victim. Such effects lends to a very unhealthy unspoken relationship between the victim and the predator.
Over time, this relationship evolves into one of fear on behalf of the victim and subtle aggression on behalf of the predator. This is the type of relationship that develops between the victim who chooses to hide the shame they feel and in the process avoid the societal stigma that is associated with having such heinous defilement imposed upon them.
Most people, who have not been blighted and has suffered the unfortunate experience of being sexually victimized, may not be able to comprehend the chemistry that exists between these two individual (the victim and the rapist). However; because our understanding does not allow us the ability to comprehend this relationship as well as the psychological power the perpetrator has over his subject, in no way mean that such relationships does not exist. In some cases the victim and the aggressor are unaware of the development of a psychological pattern that impacts their behaviors and emotions especially when there is a confrontation of any type (a meeting of the eyes, an encounter on the streets at a function etc). This also includes the awkwardness that occurs when they are forced to interact.
It is important to note that any time a victim of rape or any form of sexual abuse; becomes so afraid of the stigma that is associated with rape and because of their fear’ they cause their predator to escape the long arms of the law and by extension the justice system; they not only deny the system to work on their behalf, they encourage the perpetrator to create new victims, put themselves at a grate long term disadvantage and they deprived themselves of the opportunity of living as normal a life they could ever hope to live under the circumstances.
The predator will become bolder in his demeanor while the victims wither away on the inside. The victims are then forced to spend awaken days planning to avoid a confrontation with their rapist and finding new creative way of ensuring that their secret is kept secure.
In most cases, victims of rape, who chose to remain silence about being raped are often raped again either by the same person or another rapist. You may not know that these sexual predators have developed the predator’s instinct and thus are capable of identifying and isolating easy victims knowing who it is safe to impose upon etc.
As time passes, the victim may even stand up, in the defense of their abuser. This may be done in the hopes that their victimization will not make public; they will deny the inhumane and hideous treatment their predator inflicted on them, and in some cases they will aggressively denounce any victim of their predator who found the strength and courage to stand up and take action against such an individual for sexual the crimes that was committed against them.
In the case of a young person, who were raped and sexually abuse especially if such was done over a prolong period of time; in such cases, as time elapses, the victim becomes more and more like a slave, and very often complying to the sexual pleasures of his/her victimizer who sways a manipulative, psychological control over them. In some cases this unhealthy and unlawful sexual imposition may have been the first and only sexual encounter the person may have ever known and as a result; this unhealthy and unlawful sexual relation becomes normal to the victim. The victim may become entrapped in vicious sexual practices and thus passing down the victim’s personality to their children; creating the environment for their children too become victims of such abuse and or rape.
I must mentioned here, that approximately seventy five percent of the person who were raped were born of/to and were socialized by a dominant parents who were themselves were silent victims (a person who were raped and kept their rape a secret).
It is a common fact that when silent victims of rape or sexual abused are involved or induced to participate in conversation that reflects or portrays their abuser negatively, the victim will often shy away from such conversation and avoid anyone that is critical of the person that has or is praying on them. This is so for fear that the aggressor may discover; the victim were disloyal, thus forcing him to reveal the embarrassing secret they both share; thus exposing the victim, to the shame they spend most of their time; trying to avoid.
The unfortunate things about the victims are: he or she always see his or her self as the victim and therefore fail to see the leverage they hold over the predator. In a community and civilization where, there are laws that are put in place to protect the victim; this give the victims of rape and other sexual crimes much power; unfortunately their fear whether real of perceived hampers them from understand the power they have. The victims of rape who were brave enough to come forward and ensure their predator were exposed and face the justice system actually took back their life and their independence form the predator. These people even without counseling will be/are awarded the opportunity to live as normal a life that is possible under the circumstances. it must be understood, there is no removing the scars of rape but the wounds that were created do not pain as much as they use to.
In order to avoid exposure, the victim try to please his/her sexual exploiter, he or she will try very hard not to anger their sexual predator, and in most case they feel safer when they are isolated. We have the unfortunate story of Jaycee Lee Dugard; who was abducted when she was 11 years old and remained the sexual prisoner of her abductor: Philip Craig Garrido and his wife Nancy, who kept that child hostage for eighteen years even causing her to bear him two children. In the mind of this child, this sexual encounter was the only sexual experience she had ever known and as it was done for an extended period of time, this sick exchange became normal to her.
Unfortunately; in this society that we all love so dearly, we have many victims of rape and sexual abuse who are so afraid of the stigma of rape; and in turn, they are afraid to do anything to upset their rapist or sexual abuser, they do not have an understanding of the power they possess, the power to confront their aggressor before the court of law and see them locked away for a long time and in the process break the victim’s cycle and avoid passing the victim mentality, personality and behavior unto their children.
If you are a victim of rape or sexual abuse, speak up and take back the power your predator had taken from you. Yes you I am speaking to you.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The content is this post was a letter of thanks I wrote to Mr. Hilton Davis while I was on the island of St. Croix in 2008 a few months after I left Bermuda.
US Virgin Island. 2008
Dear Uncle Hilton,
How are you? It was indeed a wonderful pleasure getting to know you and mother Davis (Hilton's wife); I must say that you are a couple whom God have blessed with each other. I strongly believe that you can measure the quality of a person’s character by the nature of the sacrifice he or she is willing to make for another. Not when they are obligated so to do but when it is not their responsibility and such will not benefit them personally.
There are many people in Bermuda whom I respects highly, and I am making it clear and I am also making it known that I hold you and mother in very high esteem, you have taught me many of life’s valuable lessons through your kind and unselfish love, you have share your time your life and all that you have with me at a point in time when I needed it most, and that is something I can never forget or can ever repay.
I have no doubt That God have blessed me with tremendous strength and the courage to stand up for the things that I know is right regardless of the consequence. At times this can become a difficult cross to carry and it is in these time of difficulties that even the strongest man needs a place to get away to, a friend share his difficult times with, a person who, out of concern will listen and be there. Hilton that was what you were to me in my time of trial whilst I was in Bermuda.
When I looked back on it all, I can say without a doubt that my God is an awesome God. I know exactly why it all happened and with that I say “Thank you Jesus.” Let me assure you that you and your family are always in my prayer.
How is the Great John Thompson: AKA Ginger blue? Together you and Mr. Thompson make an awesome team, you tow understands what the word friendship, respect and honor means. Well being the good student that I am, I made my observing and I took note. God have been so good to me and he promised that he will never leave me nor forsake me and I am holding him to that, he cannot go back on his words.
I know to well when an individual appear to be in trouble no one wants to be associated with him or her, no one wants to be branded the trouble maker’s friend. Have you ever wondered, how it was that Jesus had only a handful of moaners when he was crucified; Yet so many people rejoicing over his demised.
Well what more can I say, but thanks once again for the Christian love, courage and friendship that I have recieved from you but most of all for allowing God to use you in such a way that I was encouraged daily and for being there for me when I needed you most.
Allan H. F. Palmer